my feelings...

previous post I said I won't cry but apparently I did cry. after I post my entry, read through all his sms over again and then blur. I took my time to realize that... he is really actually dumped me. for real. not this evening but 3 months ago when he is started to change into another person or a stranger maybe for me. what I felt for now... hmm kinda hard to say but I did not know what is actually I am up to or thinking of. all were totally mixed up. angry? rage? happy? sad? lost? blur? everything is inside my mind for now.

I am glad that this thing is not crashing on me just like that. I means before this I have prepared for this circumstances. I know it will happens one day. I actually kinda hurt with his way to solve our matters. no specific or concrete reasons why he wants to end up our relationship. he said there were too many problems. I think from his side. and I did not know why he is asking me to delete all the entries in my CINTA BARU ku label and also some pictures of him. heh. I already deleted a long time ago. If you all realized that, yes I have deleted certain posts from that label.

I am very curious about this. he said people talking about him because of my blog. about what? why now at this time he wants to drag all about my posts? since when he is listening to what other people said? can I said he is hiding something from me? no one can give me the answer. only him.

I have talked about this with my parents. my dad asked me to wait another 3 months just to see what will happens before this. remember the other post about I am not b2b anymore? so, I am waiting like an idiot. an idiot just waiting for her name to be called. so what I am waiting for? I am waiting that he will say he wants to break up with me. yes and he did. I am still pissed off right now. still...

don't blame on me after this what will happens. either I am keep on cursing him or just get angry with him. I don't know. time will heal me. I will better in time. so for now, I think my parent will handle my case after this. just waiting for his parent to see mine and return the ring as soon as possible. FYI, I did not wear the ring since a month ago. the ring means nothing for me. did I love him? NO. so why I kept whining about him? because this is about anger and rage.

to him:

don't expect me to get over like you did

remember that everything in this world has a karma

what you did, you will get back

this is not a revenge

it is just you are not professional or matured enough to handle one simple relationship

you think you are

but unfortunately you are not

and you have no guts to confront me

like a coward person

simply drop a sms saying that we are over?

go to hell bastard

****

don't get me wrong here readers

I am not trying to be a rude person

but I have a feeling too to take care of

I have been hurt too much...

these much...

sometimes doing nice is not actually really good

because people can easily manipulate & use us

just like he did to me

" I remember years ago, someone told me I should take caution when it comes to love, I did"

- Shontelle, Impossible

xoxo

I really hate you at this moment