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Monday, August 22, 2011

38 hari


hye assalamualaikum to all bloggers and readers. not forget to mention to my haters too. it is been days I never update my blog anything except a few pictures with my new lens, 85mm f/1.8D. takde masa yang sesuai lagi nak test lens baru ni kat orang. maybe esok lah kot Emak yang menjadi mangsa. hehe so any updates?

so, raya is coming soon. I am now being busy lately handle the store. makin nak dekat raya ini makin ramai lak orang. sampai takleh nak beza mana satu staff mana satu customer hehehe =p asal weekend je memang kena cover cashier yang rasanya tak sempat dah nak berehat sebab non-stop customer nak bayar T___T kering dah haa anak tekak buat customer service. nak deal dengan perangai mereka? ada yang okay. ada yang hampeh. so just SABAR dan SENYUM ^_^

esok Isnin so cuti! mood raya pun makin datang yeay! before this tak rasa pun nak beraya sebab kena kerja woahhhh tapi kan dapat surat from complex management yang kedai tutup masa raya pertama hihi. a big yeay! semenjak buka pada tahun 2008 tak pernah pun tutup so this is the first time! tadi announced kat staffs pun muka memang ceria habis :D barulah ada semangat nak raya. esok nak pergi beli baju kurung moden pasang siap. booking gitewww. macam biasa style mak-mak je sekarang. manik-manik. dan semestinya warna ungu! hihi. harap-harap Emak approve lah nak beli esok :D :D :D

sudah masuk hari ke 22 kita berpuasa di bulan Ramadhan. minggu depan dah raya. perghh. how times flies. amal ibadat pun buat ala kadar je. mana yang termampu buatlah solat sunat, baca Al-Quran... hmm tajuk kat atas 38 hari. itu sebenarnya sudah 38 hari being single. it is been 38 days since you turned and walked away. cepat betol sudah masuk sebulan lebih. tak terasa pun. tup-tup tengok kalendah aishhh. 20 Ogos 2010 memang detik hitam pada tahun lepas. tu pun baru tersedar selepas tengok kalendar gak. same shit. same situation. different years.

lately I have been crying in the middle of night. tetiba je boleh flashback our good old days and thinking about him, how he left me just like that. giving up in this relationship. I want a real relationship, not a relationshit. sorry for the harsh words. I really fought for him and this is how he paid back to me? saya tahu sekarang ni saya still lagi dalam keadaan marah. tak boleh nak tipu diri sendiri. still, holding a grudge.

I need a time to move on. tak mengharap pun balik kat dia. serius. taken from my previous experience, don't you ever go back to your ex because he/she is not worth it. he/she pushed you away and now wants to pull you back? once you have been fucked up, always remember that moment. you may forgive but didn't forget one single thing about those shit. sorry, again for the harsh words. I can't resist. macam dah lama memendam rasa dan sekarang burst out, kot?


I still kept every single his sms in my handphone. just incase I want to refer back his words or maybe using as a prove? one day saya akan delete all the conversations during the break up. all I need is time. time for everything. to forget him. to move on etc. all I know that he broke his promises and left me. he said he did fight for me but I didn't see. tak nampak pun? sekadar cakap je boleh lah kot? show me, don't tell me. saya pun tak pasti sebab utama kenapa dia nak putus. sebab bergaduh ke? sebab parent ke? he just said to me, the solid reason was him. so I guess if I'm alone now to keep fighting to save the relationship, takkan menjadi kot sebab dia memang sudah taknak. senang kan? thanks for playing games with my heart.

tapi takleh salahkan sebelah pihak je. saya pun ada silap jugak tapi tatau kat mana silapnya. a man always didn't know how to say goodbye properly. where is your ball? did you have any? bulan Ogos ini memang tough untuk saya. tahun lepas pun sama. mungkin Allah nak uji lebih semasa bulan Ramadhan. keep calm and stay strong okay? latest news saya dapat tahu si dia sudah ada pengganti. siap dapat approval from his parent and his otw to meet her parent. jodoh kot? maybe dengan saya susah nak dapat approval from his parent so he gave up easily.

tipulah kalau saya cakap tak sedih. bukan still mengharap. that is a big NO NO but it is just hmm cepatnya dapat pengganti. it is seems like si dia macam takde hati dan perasaan. I'm here suffered and si dia tengah happy dan bersuka ria. boleh tak kalau saya mendoakan agar teman baru tu will crush his heart like he did to me? can I? can I act like a bitch and make his life miserable? can I? I gave him my fragile heart and he broke like anyone else did. I don't know either I want to get involve with love matters or not. I just don't know. or can I just say I didn't believe in marriage and want to end up being a single woman? sometimes, it is better being alone so nobody can hurt you...

I don't care if you are going to tell everyone
on what I have done to you
but please,
just don't forget to tell them
about what you did to me

stop whining!
keep your chin up Shahira!
:)

****

actually selepas putus tu kan saya pergi ke Shah Alam. kira membawa diri lah kejap. I need to be with my best friends and hang out with them. just to feel safe and I still lucky to have them in my life. priceless. thanks ^_^ cukup for now saya merepek kat atas tu. whining all over again with the same reason. fed up juga kekadang. because love is all about risk. there is no warranty or guarantee about love. just please appreciate what the loved one did to us.

past is past, people said. now I just keep my chin up and move on just like others. have faith and keep strong as you know Allah always there for you. keep on praying and stay calm. feel blessed for now. rasa rezeki tak putus-putus Alhamdulillah. ada baiknya daripada segala kekusutan di dalam diri ini. kekadang kita alpa dan lalai dengan dunia sekaligus lupa akan Pencipta Nan Satu.

esok insya Allah akan shopping baju raya. pastu nak try lens baru, Emak jadi mangsa model kali ini hihi. pastu nak pergi ke courier office. ada parcel untuk Abah tapi rasanya untuk beta :D ngehhhhhh. hari tu tebus point BonusLink Card so dah berjaya tebus perfume Be Delicious Blossom DKNY. struggle pergi try satu persatu bau perfume yang ada dalam hadiah untuk tebus hahahaha senak hidung wehhhh :P pastu ada rezeki lebih nak beli baju or seluar jeans. kalau ada rezeki lah. aiseh. shopaholic betei!

he almost destroyed me
never again

proud of myself
love being me
:)

setakat ni jelah update. later esok kot kalau rajin hehehe. tuan empunya sakit tetiba masa kerja tadi. boleh pula bersin dengan jayanya T__________T'' ni sudah selsema apekes? huk. hidung tesumbat yang gua tak tahan bebeno nih. so happy bersahur and happy fasting! semoga dipermudahkan segala urusan pada hari esok, insya Allah.


xoxo



:)

5 COMMENTS:

nyna said...

nina baca sampai habis and dpt rasa sakit nye macam mana.sabarlah ye mungkin dia bukan jodoh yg terbaik untuk kak sha.walaupun kita tahu pedih rasanya tu.

selamat puasa dan shopping raya hehe :)

Shahira said...

tq nyna :)

have a blast too in this Ramadhan.

shiela-suka-suki said...

weh weh..sblm upacara shopping diteruskan, alangkah baiknya jika anda dapat melangsaikan hutang yang tertunggak..ehem ehem...

Anonymous said...

is it him refers to luqman, the man yg dulu once pujaan hati sha?

xpelah, xde jdoh.. maybe ade pgjran supaya sha jgn beriya2 sgt dan be more mature ok. :)

Shahira said...

rasanya boyfriend sesiapa pun mmg akan jadi pujaan :)